The art of Gifting

An honest confession, I have this habit of gifting people around. I don’t know why? Actually this runs n the family and I have this weird habit of buying gifts for people I like which could be friends, family or even an acquaintance! I fail to understand is this a good habit or a bad one.

Meet my unleashed neighbor

It is really very disheartening to disclose this very fact that I have been unable to follow one of the most important commandments of Christianity. This would be that of “Love thy neighbor” because of many reasons. I promise you this is not baseless and I am sure you all will agree with me, if you hear me out, the cause for not able to nurture a virtue like that. At times I feel is it me who has developed this problem of hating my neighbor or is it the person who has pushed me to that corner for such reciprocation. I wonder but if you are interested to know more here is the reason for all this.

The two most important people of my life whom I admire

The two most important people in my life who have made a difference in my life are my mother and my husband. That is correct one parent and the other one is my life more than a partner. These two have always been there whenever I have needed them the most. They have influenced my life in an optimistic way as their presence makes me feel comfortable and the positive vibes help me keep focused.

What are the ingredients of a successful marriage?

Have you ever wondered about what are the ingredients of a successful marriage? Well if you have not till now, would it too much to ask you to think about it? I don’t’ think there is any harm in discussing that as nowadays we are so much engrossed with stories of broken marriages that we would like to hear some positive features that can make a marriage tick. A few of us may want to know the secret recipe that can make a marriage survive all the ills of time that tests our stability.

This article revolves around the possibilities of how can you make a marriage in a creative way. In fact there is nothing called a secret ingredient that can make a marriage work. The ingredient rests in your own hands which is more about situation handling and moving on with your better half. Here are a few ways by which you can make the difference according to me. It is not important that you have to agree with me, but in my short span of 2 years of conjugal life I have learnt these few things that are discussed as follows.

For that the first thing you need to do is to put in all your efforts to make your partner believe in the bond that you two have made. Yes marriage is a bond between to individuals that should be well understood and then invested in with care. In order to make your partner believe in this, you need to have faith in more than anyone else. Remember this is a subtle fact that cannot be expressed through words but by behavior.

We have been taught that the institution of marriage is a social contract between two people. Have you ever thought about this discourse from any other perspective? Okay the truth I have and I found a meaning that is completely different from what we think of it. This social contract to me indicates a connection that can be termed as friendship. Now you may agree with me as this simplification can add a brand new definition to the institution of marriage. To make things simple I would like mention here that companionship should be base of marriage. This can solve many a problem if two people can understand each other like friends.

In relation to this it needs to be stated that you can communicate with your partner freely like a friend that can bring a change without any doubts. Treat your partner like a friend and things will become easier. Nevertheless do not forget that you need to know your boundaries while doing so. This means respect your spouse like a friend but maintain a line of respect as he or she is your better.

Setting these restrictions symbolize that you are ready to give them the required space as well. This is very important which comes next to communication. Both these aspects can come to you naturally if and only if you think your cohort to be a friend more than a life partner. Along with this a dash of love more than they need and a sprinkle of sex more than they can take can a super ingredient for a successful marriage for sure.

….And they lived happily ever after

All fairy tales end with this phrase “….and they lived happily ever after” which gets into the head of a young girl and she also wants her prince charming who she thinks will sweep her off the feet and take her away. Away from the world and where they will make a world of their own to “live happily ever after”. Yes we all grew up like that trust me. I also wanted my prince charming to find his way to me and save me from anything…er…at least I could have enacted like a damsel in distress. Thinking of such things, reading a lot of Jane Austen (we have nothing to do with the Duchess of Cambridge as of now) and those romantic stories we grow up from being little girls to ladies. The transition is remarkable but one thing that remains unchanged in all of us is the hunt for that prince charming.

What we do not realize is that the world is no place for a fairytale. It is a practical world where we have to fight it out every day and earn our living. The journey from a daddy’s girl to playing a mother to your own little angel actually starts to delete these fantasies one by one from our memories. Nonetheless call it irony of fate or whatever you like by the time you realize that these are just wild imaginations of the mind, you start narrating these stories to your little who again starts to believe it. Is this just a vicious cycle that we all tend to fall in?

Well it could be explained in this way that these tales are just a way to stimulate a desire in you. This desire will help you to achieve new heights that you could not have anticipated. For example I still want to build a house of sweets like the witch in Hansel and Gretel did! That is to say this will build a hope that will help you learn and grow. This will get you going in life. I am not asking everyone to agree with me, but that is how I have interpreted it. This is because I have a habit of detecting positives out of the worst things in life. Am not saying this is a bad idea, but am only trying to see through this tradition of carrying tales.

I have another premise which is completely different than this. That would be something like this that since the stories of Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty end on this note of “living happily ever after,” I in particular would like to know what happened to them after their marriage. They were busy running their household, went to grocery shopping, supervised their house staffs and fought with their husbands for insignificant things. This is what I have deduced that once the prince charming becomes the husband, he no longer remains to be the same. A time comes when we find that life itself has lost its charm again because something has changed. This can be elucidated like this that the meaning of life changes as time passes. Our needs get altered with time and so does our taste. Hence once when the likes of Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty fell into the same pit, am sure their stories were no more as captivating as their enchanted fables.

So it would have been boring for the little girl too as she would not be interested in such a story. If she were told about the reality of life at that tender age, then there are high chances that she would surely develop some kind of phobia and lose interest in it. This can further be explained like this that a doctor prescribes you a certain dosage of medication regularly to recover from an illness. It is like a procedure that gives you an inner strength to fight off the ills and get well soon. Similarly we need to understand the complications of life slowly and steadily. An overdose of it can be dangerous at the wrong time for sure. This is probably why it is better to know real things when you have attained the age to handle them to live “happily ever after.”

Everyone thinks that I am scared

Everyone thinks that I am scared. Some think I am scared of lizards, some say I am scared of heights and yet some think that I am scared of ghosts. However no one knows what I am exactly scared of! I think fear is an element that has found its permanent abode in our minds in one or the other form. Everyone is scared, yes that is correct and it may differ from person to person. It could be the fear of losing a job, heartbreak or even death. So it is evident that people are scared of something or the other and I am no exception to the rule.

Coming back to what I am scared of, I would say I am scared of loneliness. Yes that is what I am scared of in reality. I always have been lonely ever since my childhood days. I remember playing all alone on my own and longing for a sibling who could be a companion to me. My parents introduced my sister me when I was 8. It was too late by then as I was so much used to my loneliness that I started taking rejoice in my solitude.

In relation to this solitary state of my mind, I must add that due to my father’s transferable nature of job, I had to change my schools almost every year. I have read in some 13 educational institutions by now, which has never given me the opportunity to stick to one particular set of friends. Anyways most of classmates had their own sets of friends and they seldom liked talking to a newcomer. I was looked at like a foreigner who looked, dressed and spoke like them, but could never become one of them. It happened that I never knew what friendship meant, until I met this girl at my university. We had a special bond for 6 long years. Unfortunately for this friendship gave in to misunderstandings that still remain unresolved.

Misunderstanding is something I am truly scared of as it always has been an ominous contrivance of my life. Be it my father, a dear friend or even my boss at work all of them fail to understand what and why I say. They will shout out at me, hang up on me and leave me forever but will not try and see the reason through as for why I did something or in the very first place did I do that or not! Such is my fate and I am scared of this hideous monster that is like a true friend to me that I don’t want.

Another thing that I am scared of is someone breaking my trust. A lot have as they never thought of keeping it. I was naïve and did not see through their intention as I trust people easily. I believe that I will trust people as it is not my mistake of trusting the wrong kind, but it is them who are to be blamed for playing with others. People make mistakes and I have no complaints against those who have broken my trust and hurt me over and over.

I am scared of losing a loved one because I have lost many. I am scared of not being able to see them every day and miss them regularly. I cannot any more, I think I am tired and it would have been better to get rid of this fear. I know that I have to get over my fears and move on in life as it goes on and for the good of others I have to live it by making it worth.

Is it really true that one should not get married before 30?

I was going through a few articles as part of my daily research work when I came across this unusual topic. The topic was something very similar to my discussion right now- Is it really true that one should not get married before 30? The argument that was given in support of this is that at least you become matured by this age. In the 20’s people think that they are an object of desire for the whole world. Probably by 30’s that changes and people start thinking that they were wrong.

While these two facts are very true and have a strong point, I would like to add, that well maturity is something that comes with time. However different people grow differently as their distinctive experience teaches them. Some people learn fast and some are little slow. Nonetheless the argument tends to be right as maturity brings stability. This is another aspect that people in 20’s lack for sure. They think that they can keep hovering from one branch to another. They do not think of the consequences of this kind of a lifestyle.

There is no need to explain that this becomes tiring after a time and there comes a time when people do not like to perch on any branch. This is very true as people do not understand where it leads one to. Ultimately at the end of the day you see you are left out all alone in the middle of a busy world where your own people do not have time for you. Then how can you count on friends as they also have their own lives? It is very hard to deduce anything from here as it is the right thing to do, that is marry at a certain age when you think you are ready to comprise a lot out of love and take that responsibility!

Has the modern Father and Daughter relationship changed with time?

On the eve of Father’s Day, let us discuss something that can make fathers and daughters happy in a special way. Has the modern father and daughter relationship changed with time? This is a question that bothers a lot people these days as they blame the modern society and the changing role of women in it. Gone are the days when women were restricted to role of playing just a wife and a stay-at home-mom. The end of the World War II and the Great Depression that lulled the economic growth in between 20's and 30's started a trend of women coming out of their traditional home making task and take up real jobs. This is because the labor cost of women and children are always lower than that of a man. This was the same factor that caused the Industrial Revolution in Europe. So women started working and that has marked the beginning of what is called emancipation of women.

Have there been changes?

The relation between men and women has been changing ever since then. Be it a mother-son relation, husband-wife or even brother sister. Slowly and steadily the atmosphere in the home started becoming competitive. Women staring to take inspiration from their men, but the men of their houses began to feel insecured as women were replacing them at work.

In spite of all this chaos one relationship that remains undefered is that of a father-daughter. This is because daughters are always used to seeing their fathers work unlike a son who expects his mother to sit at home and take care of thing around. Fathers happen to be the pillar of strength that every daughter looks up to. A father in any household is supposed to be the tough shelter under who we all feel safe. In fact it has been observed that teenaged daughters will fight with their mothers more than their fathers. Fathers are supposed to be silent and more of listeners.

What remains unchanged?

The father and daughter relationship undergo a lot of changes with the growing of up the daughter. Well in many ways it is the father who is also growing with the daughter. That is because the father is also a human who is learning with the advent of time. Since he is matured and a grownup learns faster than his “little princess” while she takes her time to understand that she is learning.
The subtlety of the relationship remains to be the same. Fathers need to handle their carefully even if she becomes the CEO of a company. On the other hand daughters need to show the same respect irrespective of what she is today. She may married, mothered her own children or may have succeeded in her professional life, but the foundation of the relationship should be the same. In simple words this foundation is all about respecting each other in a relationship.

Modern father-daughter relationship

The modern father-daughter relationship has not changed from all this for sure. Of course there are some elements of changes like many daughters nowadays leave their houses and go over to a new place to study or pursue their careers. This again has a sociological reason behind it. This would be that of joint families being substituted by nuclear families. The father-daughter relationship gets the chance to breathe on its own. In general women have become career oriented for be it out of need to support their families or simply to earn that extra. So daughters are following either along their mothers’ lines or simply this trend. Nevertheless they never lose focus on this amazing relationship that has been bestowed on them by God.

Is it critical?

Yes modern lifestyle has become complicated with lack of time and busy lifestyles. Yet the complexities have not penetrated a father-daughter relationship. In a broader way another socio-economical observation reveals that even if daughters stay away from their families, most good and dutiful daughters would keep in touch with her folks. The complications of modern cannot encroach on these relations.

If truth be told then we have to face this harsh reality that no relation can suffer because of a hectic schedule. If you really love someone then it is not possible that you will not have the time for them. Not having sufficient time can be a lame excuse that you can only use as a weapon at work and not with your loved ones. For those who do that here is a question for them- why are working hard? What will you do with all the wealth and fame without anyone to turn for sharing all the success with? Is that what you want? You can look for the answers in themselves. Remember that questions are answers in them!

In the end it can be mentioned that modern father and daughter relationship still continues to be the same age old customary one even in the backdrop of space technology. This particular relation probably is meant never to change. This is because of a special bond that resides between the father and a daughter. A father may not have undergone labor pains or bore a child in his womb for nine months like a mother, but his contribution in raising the child and the sacrifices that he makes are no less than that of a mother. He is a parent who acts to be tough from outside as he knows that he is the man of the house and he cannot break. All this makes them to a different level and once the daughter starts comprehending this she stops cribbing like a child and prefers to become more of a “Daddy’s Girl” over a “Daddy’s Little Princess” for the rest of her life. Here is wishing all father and daughters a very happy Father’s Day.

P.S. - One of online editorials has turned it down saying the topic is irrelevant! Do you all think so? Please send me a message.

Do you really know what men yearn for while in a relationship….Think again….

Do you really know what men yearn for while in a relationship? If you think yes then think again. You may assume that you know about the needs of a man you are in a relationship with. You do everything and then that relationship does not work out and as usual you blame the guy. Is it fair? Do you actually know why has this happened? Well the truth is honestly if you did, then you would not have drifted away. So chances are that you don’t.

This is something that I am sharing once again from personal experience. The first thing that makes any relationship work is to start it on a positive note. In other words you should get into a relationship thinking that it will work. Do not leave any scopes for it to slip away. Yes but that does not mean that you should suffocate your man with too much of love. This is something that they don’t like. For instance you may find it sweet and nice to call him after every half an hour, however it may not be something that he may like. Hence what you can deduce from this is that you should give them space to breathe. Fine call and talk to him expressing how much you love him but not too often.

Men prefer women who can maintain their dignity. Of course your respect is in your own hands. You may call him but he may not respond. You surely would not like this to happen, am I not right? When such a time comes then you know that the relationship is heading towards the rock bottom. Most importantly behave your age, show maturity and be responsible. Acting like a child cannot hearts for sure. This means you need to be careful about your behavior in a comprehensive way.

I have observed this that men fall for smarter women. My husband used to tell me that whenever he spoke to me, he found positive signs in me. He found me informative and said that he used to learn something every time we communicated. Not that we used to share any kind of intellectual discussion, but I remember of not talking ill of anyone. That is our conversation was free of nagging, complaining or backbiting. In addition to this I never used to bore him with girl talk. That I usually restrict to my gang of girls which should not reach him.

Another fact that you need to know about men and their relationships is that they look for that motherly love and care they are used to. The moment they find even something similar to that, they would not let go of it. That is they want women who can provide them emotional security in the very first place. The second aspect in this context would be that of total commitment that they want from you like their mothers are to them. This is a truth that can help you strengthen your relationship.

In conclusion it can be said that you need to know where to draw the line. In relation to this you need to know where and how to stop him prudently. You know what I mean obviously. Remember one thing that a man can make bungalows, mansions, condos, apartments but it is a woman who makes it a home for them. You have the power to do so with your patience, courage and sensitivity. Go ahead and make that difference in someone’s life as it will be worth it.

This is for my “Bapi” that is what I call my Dad

Well my father, who I prefer calling “Bapi” which happens to be the Bengali for “Dad” is the only man I had in my life till I got married. So this Father’s Day, I find it my privilege to scribble down a couple of words in appreciation of him. This post is a tribute to him for being “him” on this special day.

He had been a constant source of inspiration for both me and kid sister. However I know him for a longer time than she does. Moreover my relationship with my Bapi is completely different than my sister’s. This is quite obvious as I am the elder one and a separate individual than her. So the relationship is bound to differ.

When I was a kid I hardly used to see him around because of his work. He had joined a new company that he served for 28 long years. I watched him work hard, wear simple clothes, take a bus to his office instead of a car (not that he could not, but he would not as he thought that would be unnecessary luxury) and live life in an unpretentious way. There is another reason for this as he comes from a not-so-rich family where he was taught to be humble. Success has never gone to his head and he still has his feet firmly in the ground.

He is the youngest among four siblings and has always managed to rise to the occasion. Anytime anyone needed his help he was always there. I have seen him play the roles of a dutiful son, courteous brother, caring husband and an excellent father to us. At times I still imagine how can someone be playing all these characters so perfectly?

His technique of parenting and raising me in particular has been unique. He loves me dearly, but he would not express that openly lest I get spoilt. Now that I have grown up and he is retired, he still thinks me to be his little princess who may tread the wrong way with too much of pampering. It is actually fun watching him do that. At this point, that I understand all of this, he still pretends to scold and guide me through life. He has never let me fall as I knew, I always have his support. It is gives me great pleasure to introduce my Bapi to all of you. That’s his photograph right before his retirement in January this year. Bapi I love you and wish you a very “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY” through Soumi’s World.

How to marry the right person?

How to marry the right person? This is like a puzzle that a few of us have been able to solve. This may sound to be a difficult question to handle, but trust me it’s not. All you need is a little understanding and patience to wade through to reach the person who is made for only you. Of course you need to value this special one and promise never to take that person for granted.

In most of the cases I have seen that people do not exactly know why they are in a relationship! That is why many a time these relations do not work out and you feel emotionally exhausted. Then you shrug it off as one of those worn out clothes that you do not wear, yet keep them safely in your cupboard. My question is why to stack up a pile of clutter. Break free and first of all try to realize what do you want? Analyze yourself as this is an important analytical observation that you need to make slowly and steadily. Probably it comes with time and maturity in some of us.

What I would say is that you are your best judge. So am sure you know where to stop. If you really don’t then you can when you have a proper balance between your mind and heart. This can be further explained like this that if your heart is full of love for someone and you see things falling in the right place, then it’s time to go to the next level.

Okay let me elucidate this point with a live example. I was in love with this whacky guy, who no woman would have married for sure. That’s because all of them believed in judging a book by its cover. However I won’t say that I have special powers, but all I can say is “yes I did look beyond the cover” and the result much to everyone’s surprise, voila he is a different person. In fact I keep telling him that “you were a pathetic boyfriend, but you are the best husband that any woman can get” and believe me I am not exaggerating at all. The secret, no let me tell you all the truth and solve his mystery at the same time, as he always asks me even after 2 years of marriage that what did I find so great in him that actually made me marry him? I found love in his eyes and was able to read the respect for me on his mind!

For all those who consider going back to their ex boyfriends

No, no this not one of those well researched articles that will provide you bullet points. In fact I wanted to dedicate my blog to women and women oriented discussions mainly. Let me see how much I would be able to do that amidst my busy schedule. As for this particular topic which reads “For all those who consider going back to their ex boyfriends” am going to share my own success story here. It may help all you girls in taking that call.

Well I have had this off and on relationship with this guy who happened to be my boyfriend for a year. We met sometime when I was in my second year at the university as our mothers happen to be childhood friends. I was in pursuing my masters when he proposed me. This is to give all an idea about how close our social circle was.

I broke off with him because he did not have time; neither for me nor for the relationship. Nonetheless he kept on coming back to me even we were seeing different people. I found this very weird yet tried my best to avoid and cut him off but he would find his into my life. I still don’t know how? He is a navigating officer by profession and was always out of town. This probably used to steer him away from me.

Then came a time when started asking me out all of a sudden and I kept avoiding him to my best efforts. Then I started analyzing about what went wrong with us in the past. Then I came to the conclusion that it was our immaturity to handle a relationship back in those days when we were so much focused on our careers. At that point of time the sheer thought of getting hitched and settling down made both of us jittery which resulted into a broken relationship.

When we realized our mistakes he came back and apologized for his past misdemeanors. I chose to forgive him. Of course it was solely my decision to say “yes” or “no” as he left it to me and I realized it was love for him that made me think about him so much. Be it a positive or a negative thought it was clear that I was thinking about him all the time and that was out of the love for sure. Today we are happily married to each other and he is a completely transformed man! Yes we did it and that’s him today flaunting the wedding band in the picture above.

Tips for Traveling While You Are Pregnant

Many women have to travel when they are pregnant and here are some useful tips for traveling while you are pregnant. It is needless to mention that no one likes to travel during pregnancy but such is life. It could be that meeting or a much awaited commitment that may be need of the hour.

In fact I was ecstatic when the doctor’s office called on me confirming I was pregnant. But little did I know that I would be traveling in that condition too! I had no other choice and had to give in to the situation. Here is what I did; the first thing that I did was to consult my doctor and seek his valuable advice.
Then after he gave me the green signal I sorted out my medications in the first place. I kept them handy in my hand bag and set out for my traveling experience. Once I boarded the flight I made sure that I sit close to the washroom just for emergency. The truth is I never got a seat close by to the lavatory but thankfully exchanged it with a gentleman for my convenience.

I made sure that I remain relaxed and focused primarily on my work other than anything. The reason behind this is that it was my baby which was my priority and I was nervous to travel. So I kept my cool and avoided getting stressed. I tried to divert my mind of any ill thoughts. This helped me a lot while traveling. I also recalled one of my friend’s advice to sit comfortably as she also had the experience of traveling while pregnant. That is why I tried to make room for me wherever I sat.
In reality pregnant women can travel provided they keep safety on their mind. My mother travel 1600 kilometers when she was seven months pregnant by a car owing to my father’s transfer! My sister was born healthy and without any complications normally. She just kept the safety belt on and she cruised through the road at ease. So it is possible to travel while you are pregnant.